Posted by Hsoun Hnin Phyu on September 2nd, 2010 — Posted in General
I’m going to steal a few minutes and type something out before I go back to my C*LTA life.
I had my first assessed teaching practice yesterday, and I did well! Yay! *pops champagne* I was second to go, and really, I’m grateful to C who went first and helped to “loosen” the students up abit. Truly, she had the tough job, but she did exceedingly well too. For that matter, all 5 of us passed with flying colours. Granted, it was only a warmer activity but it’s a great start, no? :)
So I’m still high from yesterday, but I gotta be careful not to become complacent. From today till Sunday, I have to churn out another 2 lesson plans for the next 2 weeks, and complete an assignment. I HAVE NO LIFE LEFT! C was telling me, “I can’t wait for this to be over,” and I can’t agree more.
So friends, please bear with me till November, because I’m going to reduce my social life to almost zero until I get my cert. Then it’ll be freedom!~
***
My students are a delightful bunch. There are 2 Japanese ladies (rather proficient at the language too), 2 Korean ladies, a girl from S. America and a girl from SEA. They are a marked difference from the 3 other girls I had for my first teaching practice at TESOL, and I’m thankful for that.
Thank God for responsive, enthusiastic and … non-racist students? LOL!
Posted by Hsoun Hnin Phyu on August 29th, 2010 — Posted in General
I’m taking a break from the impossible homework I have to finish tonight, by hook or by crook.
I’ve made a comment before, and received a not-so-nice response in return: I said, “Sometimes I am made to feel that my gift is a curse instead.” Well, I do feel this way, and I mean every word I say.
Does it mean that when someone has a gift, he/she is expected to undertake all tasks related to his/her gift by default? I feel disturbed by this school of thought, because I’ve been on the receiving end of this sort of thinking many times. Just because I’m known to be more detailed than most people, I find myself often delegated the task of 1) organising meetings, 2) writing meeting minutes and 3) doing all the little administrative tasks.
It’s not that I’m unhappy to serve. I am, and I’m of course thankful that I can use this gift from God to serve the church. But don’t you think I’d know it when I’m assigned such tasks because no one else wants to do them? Who enjoys writing minutes? I DON’T, honestly. But I’m better than others when it comes to doing it, so people happily heap all the minutes-writing to me.
It’s not a good feeling. I don’t feel that my gift is affirmed in any way because of this, because no one bothers to ask if I’m ok to take the task. Most of the time I’m willing and happy to do so, but there are times when I’m already swamped with tons of things to do, and I’m expected to do all the tedious work. Really, it would make a huge difference if someone would actually ask if I am ok with doing the work, instead of just pushing it to me and expect me to accept happily. Can you see how I’m made to feel like it’s a curse? It’s NOT, but I’m made to feel so. I’m not hankering for praise - really, what’s there to praise - and not even any acknowledgement! I would appreciate it if someone could just look at me as a person, and not a typing machine, and sincerely ask if I have the time or energy to do something. Do you know, sometimes I’m actually afraid to turn up for meetings or even go for trips because I’m so afraid that people will just make me do all the administrative work without asking me first? O_o
One other thing that would help is getting others to do it once in a while. I cannot tell you how relieved I am, at times when other people are tasked with organising meetings or writing minutes.
Bottomline is, when I make a comment like that, it doesn’t mean I’m not willing to serve. Sometimes it’s good not to assume. There have been occasions when I had to really control my anger when people just presume I’d do all the writing. You know, I really cannot but feel that it’s because they don’t want to do it! Sigh.
Posted by Hsoun Hnin Phyu on August 24th, 2010 — Posted in General
Now I understand why people say taking C*LTA = having no life. It’s only the second day of my course, and already I can see my social life withering away. What can I do, when my very first assignment is a 50-question paper that requires at least 10 hours of work?
So today after class (which left me totally drained), R and I went to Funan McD to work on our assignments together. I went home only at 8.30pm, having only done like 10 questions? PATHETIC. Tomorrow’s a FULL DAY too (I’d forgotten that I have a meeting at night until Dong SMSed me). Thursday’s thankfully a half day, and I have to get the rest of my stuff done that day coz Friday and the weekend are completely booked.
This is why I hate living in Singapore lah! The list of things to do just goes on and on. #$%^&* Bah. I want to go back to Burma!
***
My TESOL class ends this Friday. T_T Uber sad. I really love the class. Initially it was because the entire setting reminded me of school back in Burma, but as time passed I grew to love the class itself. The trainer is excellent. My classmates are the best on earth (my Korean classmate is my biggest fan. I can do no wrong in his eyes LOL … he was full of praises for my koyak teaching and even said, “To me you’re perfect, except for …” I didn’t wait to listen to the rest of his criticism LOL), the course itself is excellent, everything is PERFECT.
C*LTA, on the other hand, is STRESSFUL, INTENSIVE and DRAINING. I’m sure I’ll find out its virtues later in the course, but for now I’m seriously overwhelmed. Whereas in TESOL I’m totally at ease and relaxed, in C*LTA I’m always on my toes and my brain never stops working. But the trainers are really good. All I pray for is to pass, that’s all!
I’m learning HEAPS from both courses, though, and enjoying what I’m learning. Which just deepens the regret I have regarding “my” choice of college major. -_-
C*LTA is such that I gotta start teaching every week, starting from … next week. O_o I’m petrified.
Posted by Hsoun Hnin Phyu on August 15th, 2010 — Posted in General
I might have said this before: I’m always awestruck whenever I consider where I am now, and how I’ve come to be in this exact place. My life has definitely not turned out the way I’d envisioned before, and in fact, it’s pretty radical coming from a person like me.
I’m currently preparing for the year-end trips to my favourite country again. But there’s a twist: my previous 3-month trip may just be, in a very tragically ironic manner, be the very factor to prevent me from gaining easy access into the country again. I only found out about this less than a week ago, and my immediate thought was: I would have seriously reconsidered, or even rejected the opportunity to go to Burma for those 3 months, if my future trips were to be jeopardised like this.
But … no. I feel no bitterness at all. Regret? Just a tinge. Because, because those 3 months are irreplaceable. And I would, in a heartbeat, do it all over again even if it means I might not be able to enter the country easily (not impossible). What God has done for me through the trip - the place, the people, the experiences - is beyond measure and comparison. For the first time in my life, I could truly understand and see that there are things worth doing well, and they can be enjoyable at the same time. And it doesn’t even require alot of money.
So I might not be able to join the trips this year. Sigh. I’m sad, but not devastated. For one, I already have had the experience of a lifetime and honestly, I’m thankful and satisfied. More would be a bonus, really. But more importantly, I believe firmly that if God opens a door, no one can shut it. Similarly, if He closes a door, nothing I do can pry it open even an inch. It really is a matter of trust and obey, and I want to do that.
Don’t get me wrong. I still love Burma, and the passion grows every minute, but I want to love God more than I love Burma. I want my love for Burma to be an outflow of my love for God, and not just as an independent, selfish, narrow-minded and godless kind of love.
***
I’d taken the TESOL course purely to learn how to be a better English teacher, but now my eyes and heart are opened to the possibilities of working and living overseas. Burma remains my first choice for as long as I live, but Taiwan/Japan (maybe S. Korea) are enticing options too. I’m just saying - it’s not like I can go there to be an ESL teacher even if I want to. I love cultures of all kinds, and teaching English in a foreign country sounds like the ideal job, right? Learn the local culture, and introduce the English culture to the natives. Even better, plant a love for the English language - make them see how exciting English is, and make them love the language for its virtues, and not just for the opportunities it brings. Personally, I think if I can ever make even one non-native speaker student fall in love with the language, even if (s)he isn’t able to use it rightly yet, I would have been succeeded in my goal to be an ESL teacher. :) But my first target for conversion? My Korean classmate! Haha.
Posted by Hsoun Hnin Phyu on August 6th, 2010 — Posted in General
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways:
1. Class today was great. Every Friday we have peer teaching, which scares the daylights out of me even though I’m supposed to be the experienced one. What frightens me is that I’m actually closely supervised during my practice, and not just by my classmates and my trainer. Even the boss comes too. Anyway, today I had a mild Yukari moment when I kinda lost it for a while after realising how I totally had no confidence to execute my lesson plan. But it all turned out well in the end; I remembered what I was supposed to do, I did it without physically crumbling even though my hands were shaking very badly (seriously, what’s wrong with me?), and I even managed to come across as ultra confident. HAHAHA. When the teacher finally dismissed all of us at the end of the lesson, I let out a really loud sigh of relief, which got everyone laughing.
But it was the walk to the train station with my classmate that really made my day. We were talking about our course and I expressed my concerns with my upcoming C*LTA course … mainly my fears that I wouldn’t be able to handle a huge workload and that I won’t be a good teacher. He said, “You’ll do fine. I can’t explain how, but I feel that you’ll make a great teacher.” Granted, he might have been trying to say something nice for me, but I thought it was very sincere and heartfelt, and hence very encouraging. =)
2. Remember the job interview I went for last Friday? The best arrangement has been made for me: I’m currently freelancing for them, which really works out for me because I don’t want to work fulltime yet, and at the same time I don’t want to burn any bridges with them by rejecting them were they to offer me a job. Yesterday, I got a phone call from the company saying that they are keen to have me as a freelancer, and today I received a project to work on! The money isn’t great, but the job’s pretty simple actually. And any money for a penniless bum is always welcome! :)
3. I met M online after a long time. M was the one who helped to get everyone from the school to sign the birthday card for me. :) We talked about (her) school, and she told me my ex-students miss my teaching. Awww. Sigh. I really really really want to do my TESOL and C*LTA well so that I can go back and be a better ESL teacher for them!
And something funny. I’m almost like Yukari, the English teacher in Azumanga Daioh:
ESL teacher(-to-be), check.
Crazy, prone to fits of insanity, check.
Messy, CHECK.
Dangerous, reckless driver, check. (Since I can’t drive, by default I’m a dangerous driver)
Has a Nyamo-ish friend, check. (Est, I suspect, is a closet Nyamo)
Only thing is, I’m no fan of alcohol, so I’m not drunk like her. :)
Posted by Hsoun Hnin Phyu on August 2nd, 2010 — Posted in General
What I’ve been up to:
1. I’m taking a TESOL course, currently in my 3rd week (there are 6 weeks to go, but I won’t complete the course - you’ll see why later). It’s expensive, but totally worth every penny I’m paying. The entire setting reminds me very much of my time in Burma, which just makes the experience so much more familiar and enjoyable. I look forward to school everyday, and I get to learn something new everyday. I love it when learning is fun and enriching. :)
2. The latest update about my endeavour to get a TESOL qualification: I got into C*LTA! It came as a very pleasant surprise because I hadn’t been sure I would get in. There are some really stringent criteria one has to fulfill in order to get into the course … first of all, applicant have to do a written test which, IMO, was just downright demoralising. I came out of the test feeling totally defeated. Then, to my amazement, I got through to the interview and once again, I came out feeling rather uncertain (but the interview itself was alright, though my other coursemates didn’t have good interviews). This morning, I got news that I got in, just like that. I’m surprised, and very thankful. The entire process has been rather smooth and honestly, I’m not used to having what I want delivered on a platter to me like that. I was just thinking how I always have had to struggle ever since graduating from college, having chosen to take a radically different route from Chemistry. It sure is gratifying to get through something so easily (relatively). But of course, getting in just means a whole new set of challenges for me. For one … I have to cough up extra moolah for the course, I have to contend with a very intensive course, and I’m definitely remaining unemployed till November. The last one is more of a social problem than a financial one - people are already asking why I’m bumming around. Yay. One other sore point is that I won’t be able to complete my current TESOL course, coz the 2 timings overlap. Sianz.
But I’m psyched. I’m really looking forward to the course, and I’m determined to study hard. Doing well would be a bonus, of course, but I’m really just hoping to come out of the course having learnt how to be a more effective ESL teacher. That’s my main and only goal, actually.
3. I spent my 26th birthday running around. First, I had class in the morning and in the afternoon, I went for a job interview at a local company. Let’s just say that both the interviewer and I probably have the same idea in mind: we ain’t that into each other. I doubt they’ll offer me the job, and in all honesty I’m not keen on it too. My intuition tells me I probably would not be very comfortable there, especially when I’m “picked on” because of my religion during the interview. =/
I celebrated my birthday with W and E at Tanglin Mall. It was great!!! :D Thanks!
4. On the same note, I received some really awesome gifts this year. What surprised me the most was a handwritten card from the school in Burma that I taught in. Everyone signed in it … and wrote very encouraging things, telling me they miss me, they want me back etc. (Darling, why do you think I’m paying through my nose to get a TESOL certificate if I have no intention of going back to you?) Then Dolly wrote me a note, and it really did touch my heart very much. This is what she wrote:
… Thanks for the friendship, the laughter, the fun, the good times that happen with you. Thanks for the closeness, the love, the support, and the kind-hearted things that you do. Most of all, thanks for being yourself, that knowing you is a gift that means more every year …
Wah~ I really don’t deserve all the love that people shower on me! But thanks!!! <3
4. I’m slowly easing myself into the crazy, hectic pace of life that is so characteristic of our little island. Sometimes I stand in the middle of the road island right smack in the heart of the CBD, and I get overwhelmed by a myriad of different, conflicting feelings. Sometimes I feel like a foreigner in Singapore, not in the wow-this-is-all-so-new-and-wonderful way, but in the crap-i-want-to-go-back-home way. I still miss Burma though … receiving the card and gifts from my friends there doesn’t help. :(
That’s all, for now. My current biggest challenge is to find out all the differences between English and 4 other languages … and you know what? I love it.
Posted by Hsoun Hnin Phyu on July 28th, 2010 — Posted in General
Talking and debating about Inception’s all the rage now, isn’t it?
I watched it last night with a group of friends. My honest opinion about the show? It’s a good mental workout - I still need to watch it again just to tease out the finer details - but emotionally it didn’t strike a chord with me. Or maybe it isn’t supposed to be … so my life isn’t irreversibly altered.
And for the question almost everyone is debating about, my answer is: leave it, man. Nolan obviously meant for the ending to be ambiguous, so you can argue till the cows come home and no one would be any wiser about it. But if I HAVE to say a definite yes or no, I’ll go with yes - Cobb is back in reality. And I base this purely on intuition, not on any evidence that I glean from the show, though some online reviewers actually have found evidence that “proves” Cobb’s not in a dream.
I don’t know … I’m kinda disappointed actually, maybe because everyone raves about the show like it’s soooo amazing. I admit it’s pretty ingenious of Nolan to come out with something so marvellously intricate and yet logical at the same time. But as I’ve mentioned, I didn’t have the emotional connection with the movie. Shutter Island was disappointing in the same way. It’s a me thing, nothing to do with both movies.
Posted by Hsoun Hnin Phyu on July 26th, 2010 — Posted in General
Through a friend’s recommendation, I watched Brothers a few days back. And I now have a new favourite actor.
Russell and James, meet Jake. :) I hope you guys will get along well together.
Seriously, where has Jake Gyllenhaal been hiding all these years! I saw him in Brokeback Mountain, but I guess he was kinda outshined by Heath Ledger. But in Brothers … it’s impossible to miss him. I particularly love the scene when he first finds out Tobey Maguire’s character is dead - that was just electric. After that, he just gets better and better as the surrogate father figure. I thought he was just brilliant.
And it doesn’t hurt at all that he’s soooooooooooooooooooo gorgeous !!!!!! Wah really sia, I must have been blind all my life to not notice him till now!
Swoon-worthy actor aside, the plot itself was just passable, to be honest. I’d expected much more from a movie titled Brothers, but the “brother” aspect didn’t feature heavily in the film. I thought the anti-war message stands out more … in fact it’s kinda in your face. The movie is pretty skewed in Tobey’s direction, and it would have been better had Jake’s character been fleshed out more - he kinda disappears into the background once Tobey Maguire’s character comes back. And that isn’t good. :( Not really balanced lor.
Other than that, it’s pretty watchable. Natalie Portman is always watchable.
Posted by Hsoun Hnin Phyu on July 21st, 2010 — Posted in Burma
On a typical day, I officially wake up at 6.50am. Officially, because by 4am I would already have gotten up to turn off the air-con and to switch on the heater. The room is kept nice and cool till I finally leave my room for school. I wake up, make my bed and head for the shower. The water pressure is low, and the water is not as hot as I’d prefer, but it’ll make do. Standing in the bathtub, I look out of the tiny grilled window and see a square of blue-grey sky. I sing cheery ditties in my head as I lather up.
I come out of the shower and get dressed. Sitting in front of the fan, I wait for my hair to dry as I do random things - read the Bible, look through my lesson plans, think of last-minute games, pack my bag. I hear Josh shouting outside my door. When it is about 7.45am and my hair is almost dry, I get up and apply thanakha on my face. If I have the time, I’ll stand in front of the fan for a minute to speed up the drying process. Then I grab my bag and head downstairs …
***
I love thanakha for various reasons. The most important reason is that it transforms my looks and makes me look less foreign. Tried and tested: when I go around bare-faced, I get recognised as a foreigner 99% of the time, even if I’m dressed like a local. However, a touch of thanakha changes everything - I gain effortless entry into the parks as a local without having to pay the foreigner charges. Depending on what I wear, I can pass off as a Burmese Chinese or a Karen. It is only when I open my mouth and speak halting Burmese that my cover is blown.
Sigh. I miss those days of anonymity. I miss the secret satisfaction of blending in successfully. I miss Burma.
